A Little Update

Our little guy has been changing so much lately!  Here are a few of the biggest changes:

• He's crawling!!  That's right, we are now the parents of a mobile baby.  More busy and more tiring, but definitely more fun.  Take a look at him go!

 

4/25/2012

• Not only is Evan crawling, but he is now pulling himself up on everything.  Ottomans, tables, chairs, entertainment center, Henry's scratching post...you name it, he's tried it.  And he is so tall that when he pulls himself up he can reach pretty much anything...except Henry :)    

Oh, hi mom!

SO proud of himself

• With all of this new exploration, Evan has decided that his toys are old news.  He is much more interested in all the things he isn't supposed to touch...which means we've had to introduce the idea of boundaries, the meaning of "no", and a little bit of discipline.  

This weekend, Will & I are going away alone for the first time since Evan was born.  Yay!  Special thank you to Beppe (Will's mom) for her willingness to spend the weekend with Evan while we're gone!  I know he's going to have so much fun.  And since she has raised 8 kids successfully, I have no worries that she can handle anything that may happen :)

9 Month Stats

Evan weighs 24lbs 1.5oz, and is a whopping 31 inches long!

To give some perspective:

At his 6 month check-up, he weighed 20lbs 4oz and was 28 inches long.

That means our big boy has grown 3 inches and gained almost 4lbs in 2.5 months!

Crazy!

Thankful for another great report from the doctor - he's healthy and developing well, and she is thrilled with how he is growing.  He's a little behind on crawling, but our doctor isn't concerned (so I'm trying not to be).  I guess it's understandable - that's A LOT of baby to be lifting off the ground and moving :)

The Plague

No, not that plague.

Since having Evan, one thing in particular has plagued me...and just when I think I have escaped its unyielding grasp, it rears its ugly head once again.  It came uninvited and made itself at home when I was most vulnerable as a new mom (in other words, when my mom had to leave and Will returned to work, and I was left alone with this tiny creature I had no clue what to do with), and I have yet to shake myself completely free from its power.  It has been the catalyst for depression, fear, & anxiety unlike anything I have ever felt before.  It has had me convinced, on more than one occasion, that I am the worst mother in the world and am doing everything wrong.  Just ask my mom, who probably remembers a tear-filled phone call that began with, "Mom, I think I'm ruining my child!!" [and I really thought I was] in the midst of tears born from exhaustion and desperation.  It is the most challenging thing I've had to deal with as a mother.  

So...what is this ugly and utterly unwelcome plague that has stalked me for 9 months (and counting)?  One word:


DOUBT.

Don't get me wrong...Doubt and I did not just meet upon Evan's birth.  Doubt and I go waaaayyyy back.  I got to know Doubt well as a teenager - wholly caught up in my perceived inadequacy & worthlessness, a hopelessly imperfect girl lost in the midst of seemingly perfect people.  In college I was reacquainted with Doubt when I found myself single and surrounded by a sea of happy couples, desperate to feel desirable and loveable.


But the type of doubt that has afflicted me as a mother is stronger and more pervasive than any I have ever known.  Maybe that's because the stakes are higher now.  Now there's a precious little life who is directly affected by my choices & actions.  And the weight of that truth has greatly burdened my soul.

I wish I could say that I saw doubt coming and met it armed with Truth, ready for a battle.  I wish I could say that at the first tremor of anxiety I turned to scripture and prayer, seeking the Peace that passes understanding.  And I really wish I could say that I didn't give in, didn't allow fear to have a foothold in my heart.  But I can't say that...in fact, I think I jumped into the sea of doubt with both feet, allowing the waves of fear to overwhelm me.  Fear and doubt struck my heart each time I tried a different method of sleep training and it never seemed to work as well as the experts promised...I was so stressed by the fact that I couldn't get my baby on a precise schedule (as hard as I tried), that I came to hate the very word "schedule"...I got too caught up in comparing my baby with other babies, my experience with other moms' experiences, and somehow I always came up short. 

Thankfully, somewhere along the way I opened my eyes and saw that Evan was happy, healthy, and totally fine.  I had not ruined my child for life (yet), and despite not being on a set-in-stone schedule, our routine was working for him...and it was working for me.  I realized that part of being a mother is figuring out what is best for your child, and it's okay if that looks different than what other moms are doing for their kids.  Most importantly, I was reminded that God is ultimately in control of my son and I couldn't totally screw him up even if I wanted to.  God is big enough to cover my inadequacies and mistakes as a parent.  He chose to give Evan to us, knowing in advance all the mistakes we would make and how imperfect we are.  God hand-picked us to be Evan's parents, and He hand-picked Evan to be our son.  God created me to be Evan's mother, and He has equipped me with everything I need to be the best one for the job.

(Ok, can I just pause for a moment and say WOW?!)  

I still find myself struggling with doubt (more than I'd like to admit), and I still compare myself to other moms way too much (and I still come up short more often than not).  But I am learning to trust...slowly but surely.  The more I trust, the more I realize how blessed I am by this adorable, roly-poly, silly, sweet little boy.  And I realize just how excited I am to watch Evan grow & learn & become the person he was made to be.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You."
~Is. 26:3 

Silly Boy

Evan has been doing some very funny things lately and developing quite a personality.  He has me cracking up most days :)  Check out the musical stylings of Evan William for yourself:

What a ham!

Long Overdue...

Wow, it has been a loooong time!  The last 3 months have passed by ridiculously fast - jam-packed with lots of activity, excitement, busy-ness, projects, improvements, etc. - and here's a feeble attempt at capturing the craziness that is our life...

Will has been the busiest of all of us - juggling work, graduate classes, finishing our basement, and to top it all off a job search, interviews, wrapping up his former job and starting a new position at a new company!  It really is amazing that Evan & I have seen him at all in the past few months.  I'm so proud of him and amazed at his work ethic.  When we moved into this house, the basement was totally unfinished.  Will started finishing it this winter - he's done all the framing, plumbing (we're adding a 1/2 bath down there), electrical/wiring, drywall (w/ a little help from a couple friends) on his own - and it is looking good!  We're hoping it will be completely finished, furnished, and usable within the next couple months.  SO excited for it to be done.  Will hasn't been the only one making improvements, either.  I made a resolution to start doing better at cooking - doing it more frequently, taking more initiative, trying new things, etc - and I have been making at least two new recipes each week (sometimes 3 or 4).  Thank you, Pinterest!  It may not sound like a lot, but for me this is huge.  I've actually started enjoying cooking!  Fancy that...

Evan and I have been keeping busy, which is the way I like it.  We go to a playgroup through our church once a week, and we meet everywhere from the mall to the leader's house.  I'm also doing a bible study with a group of stay-at-home moms, which has been great (LOVE Beth Moore).  We've been fortunate to have a mild winter this year, so every day that's warm enough you can bet we're out for at least one walk and sometimes a stop at the park.  Evan can't do a whole lot at the park yet, but he really enjoys the swings.

Evan has been doing really well.  He started getting into a bad habit of waking up during the night again, but after another round of sleep-training (which is so tough but so worth it) he's back to sleeping 11-12 hours straight (truly GLORIOUS).  It's not perfectly consistent...nothing ever is with a baby, I've learned...but I definitely can't complain.  In the movement department, Evan has just started to scoot backwards on his belly.  No crawling yet, but I think we're getting there.  He also gets around surprisingly well by rolling :)  A few weeks ago, Evan was dedicated at Will's home church.  E got tons of attention from Pake & Beppe (Will's parents), and had lots of fun with his aunts & uncle.

Things to look forward to...

• The basement being finished, of course!
• Evan will be 9 months old in less than two weeks!  Crazy!
• Grandma & Grandpa Cowell and Aunt Amanda will be visiting in a few weeks, which will be wonderful!

Ok, that's enough for now.  Hopefully I'll be better at updating in the next three months, or else my next post could be in celebration of Evan's first birthday!  Whoa...  

E & H watching Daddy shovel the only snow we got this winter, Jan. 21

All set to help with the drywall, Feb. 18

Cheese!, Mar. 4

Enjoying the awesome weather in his new shades, Mar. 8

Grandpa Stauffer

My beloved Grandpa Stauffer passed away yesterday morning, quite unexpectedly.  If you think death at his age (84 years old) can't be a complete surprise, then you didn't know him.  My grandpa was active, lively, joyful, humorous, and always singing.  He was constant, faithful, respected by so many and absolutely adored by his family.  And he will be missed, oh so greatly.  It is difficult to believe that he is no longer here.  Less than two weeks ago he was enjoying Thanksgiving surrounded by friends & family...last week he and my grandma made their annual trek to Arizona for the winter...on Sunday he was watching the Lions play football.  Now he's gone, and it just doesn't seem real to those of us he left behind.  Though his death is incredibly sad from an earthly perspective, for my grandpa it is a wonderful homecoming.  He has finally met the Savior he served faithfully for so long.  I rejoice for his sake while my heart breaks for my grandma, my mom, and the rest of our family.  As the tears run down my face, I find myself smiling as I picture him being greeted by his daughter and grandson.  We have lost a dad and grandpa, but my Aunt Sue and cousin Bradley have gained him back.  What a sweet reunion that must have been!

It is tragically ironic that the only Thanksgiving in my entire life that I did not spend with my mom’s side of the family turned out to be his last.  I wish I could have seen him once more, hugged him one last time.  I’m so thankful I got to spend some time with him & my grandma this summer, so thankful that he got to meet Evan.  Unfortunately Evan will not get to know him, but I’ll be sure to tell him all about his Great Grandpa Stauffer.  My grandpa left quite a legacy – one of strong faith, unconditional love, and lasting joy - and I am so very grateful that I was blessed with 26 years with this wonderful man as my grandfather.  

I love you, grandpa!  Thank you for the Godly example you set and the quiet strength with which you led our family.  I loved listening to you sing, and the way you made me feel so special, so loved, will forever stay with me.  I will always miss you, but I am rejoicing that you are with Jesus now.  I'll be seeing you again!  

BIG News!

Evan rolled over today!!

Okay, so maybe that's not quite earth-shattering, but it was pretty exciting.  He has been rolling from side to side for months, getting so close to rolling over completely but not quite making it all the way.  He's also been way too interested in being upright to care about rolling over recently.  Why roll over when you can sit up??  Of course, by "sit up" I mean be propped up by me (so cannot wait until he can sit on his own!).  However, when I laid him on his play mat this afternoon, he rolled to his side and then right onto his tummy like he's been doing it forever!  Bring on sitting, crawling, standing, and walking :)  

In other news, Evan turned 5 months old on Friday!

 

On the one hand, five months seems like a long time - he's getting so old!  On the other hand, it's hard to believe we've only known this precious boy for 5 months...I can't remember life without him.